I didn’t grow up having an ‘attitude of gratitude’, in that I didn’t consciously give thanks for the lovely, good things in my life. They were just ‘there’… it’s fair to say I took a lot for granted.

It’s only when I was going through the divorce, when I struggled to get through each day, when I was close to losing hope – to be honest, if it wasn’t for my boys, I’d have given up on divorce proceedings and just gone back to living a half-life – that I became more aware of the practice of conscious gratitude.

One thing many gratitude exercises have in common is the advice to think about the things in your life you’re grateful for before writing them down. If you’re familiar with these exercises, you’ll know the ones I mean – write down three things you’re grateful for every night before going to bed. If you can’t think of anything that happened during that day, then remember the good things that have happened during hard times or give thanks for the advantages you have in your life.

I’ve kept a gratitude journal, on and off, over the years. One thing I’ve come to realise – what I write down at the end of each day seems ‘after the fact’; it’s not rooted in ‘real time’, in that moment. Sometimes, I find myself listing what I’m grateful for in the same manner as writing a shopping list.

When I stop and check in with myself, I realise, more often than not, I’m not actually feeling grateful. It seems to be more of a reminder that my life is pretty good and that things could be worse.

I’m not knocking keeping a gratitude journal. If it’s something you haven’t done before, it might prove to be a way to get you in the mind-set of becoming consciously grateful.

To me, being consciously grateful comes from the experience I’m having in the moment, it’s what I’m feeling in my body, not something I’m reviewing logically in my head.

Yes, I’m grateful for our home, for the roof over our heads, the comfortable beds we sleep in… But when I scurry in to get out of the wind and rain and shut the door behind me, the relief of knowing I’m in a space where I can change out of my wet clothes borders on blissful.

My point here is to focus on the experience, not necessarily the idea. Instead of weighing up your life and thinking about your overall good fortune, be aware of what you’re experiencing in the moment.

For me, in this very moment, I can pause my typing and appreciate the blue sky after days of overcast skies and rain; enjoy my cup of tea; the warm, purring cuddle-monster of a cat on my lap; the sound of my boys chatting and laughing in the next room; the quiet of the outside world even though we’re close to a main road…

Immersing myself in these pleasures and being thankful for them doesn’t mean I ignore my problems. Life’s problems will always be there – that’s part of life. But stopping and taking a moment to truly look and appreciate life’s small pleasures, makes me realise life isn’t simply about the ‘daily grind’. There are pockets of beauty, of wonderful pleasures just waiting to be noticed.

Holding coffee mug (Pixabay - Pexels) — Holding coffee mug (Pixabay - ***Pexels***)

Comfortable clothes; hands wrapped around the warmth of a mug of coffee/tea on a cold day; the chirping of birds when you wake up; the refreshing taste of a crunchy, juicy apple when you take that first bite; the smell of books when you wander into a bookshop; the kindness of strangers…

Book-browsing (Pixabay - Geralt) — Book-browsing (Pixabay - ***Geralt***)

When I list the things I’m grateful for at the end of each day, I’m not necessarily remembering the small details that triggered the feeling of gratitude in me.

As an example, a couple of days ago, we had sunshine and showers throughout the day. In the kitchen, around 17:00, while I was at the sink, I glanced out and noticed a rainbow! A lovely, clear rainbow. I called out to the boys and grabbed my phone to take a picture before it disappeared. And then took a moment to just stand by the open back door, listen to the patter of falling rain and enjoy the sight.

Moments like that, although small, are far from insignificant. When you take the time to notice them and give thanks, they influence your well-being in a good way. And we have to take the time to notice them because they’re spontaneous, unexpected; most likely, they won’t be there the next time we look. Like the rainbow.

Cultivating this sort of gratitude is quite simple, really. All you have to do is ask yourself, what’s happening in this moment? It could be while you’re making your first mug of coffee – notice the smell, the steam rising from the mug, the anticipation of that first sip… Immerse yourself in the experience and feel it.

As you become used to being consciously grateful for the small things, you’ll most likely find yourself automatically feeling grateful for the ‘bigger’ things. For me, that includes enjoying breakfast together, the three of us, at the weekend because Gordon leaves for work at 07:00 during the week.

What small thing are you grateful for today?

Gratitude